Q: How do I ever help my child learn if I coddle them every time they throw a fit?
A: If my child is “throwing a fit,” their nervous system is out of whack, they don’t have access to their prefrontal cortex, their heart rate is elevated, their sensory systems are dysregulated. They have a list of brain and body needs that need to be met before they even have the capacity to process heart needs.
The first goal is felt safety—a calm nervous system, a regulated body, an integrated brain.
This might look like coddling or comforting “bad” behavior, but it’s actually just helping my child’s whole self get back to a place where I can get to their heart.
Once I’ve come alongside my child—offered co-regulation, shared my calm—they’re ready to learn.
I can teach, get to their heart, give (hopefully natural) consequences, offer redos, encourage them to ask forgiveness and repair, pray, share Scripture.
I must see my child as a whole person—mind, body, and spirit—to play a part in their healing & growth.